elder brothers?

You might not know it, but there are many reasons to root for the United States during the World Cup. I have plenty of them, personally. But what about you, the casual sports fan who wants to get acquainted with the team in an informative yet casual manner in the lead up to the World Cup? Well, it turns out you’re in luck — in the next series of posts, I will explain why you absolutely have to LOVE this US National Team. Hop on board!

Reason #1: We’re really, really, really, ridiculously good looking!

In honor of Rachel Wilson being in Boston this week, I have to first point out what the marketing department at US Soccer HQ has yet to capitalize on: the aesthetic greatness of our footballing heroes! Several months ago, Rachel was sitting on the couch with me as we watched a US qualifying match on TV, and she asked why it wasn’t a known fact that our soccer team was really good looking. “They’re like, all totally shag-able. Like, all of them. Don’t you think?” I had no answer.

Upon further review, it appears they are! Why isn’t this known? US Soccer could gain some die-hard female fans by offering to “Win a dinner-date with Carlos Bocanegra,” or by offering Stuart Holden branded hair gel. These are missed opportunities in my book.

Well, let the record show that our starting eleven is really, really, really ridiculously good looking:

As a point of comparison, my good friend recently pointed out that it’s a well known fact that the Mexican national team is actually quite ugly. I take great pleasure in choosing to believe that our continental arch-nemeses may have been nicknamed “El Tri” because they are three times as ugly as any other team in international competition. What a bunch of mingers!

So there you have it. You should root for the US National Team because we’re totally hot. Even if we don’t win the cup, at least we’ll look good doing it.